It’s been nearly a year since I launched FlatOnMyBack.com. It was initially meant for family and friends, to give a little more insight into what’s been going on in my life. Then it picked up steam.
There was something about being open and honest that resonated with people regardless of whether or not I knew them. Soon enough there were a few thousand people coming to the site each week.
Then Chanel 9 asked to interview me and I was featured on a news segment:
Then I started getting asked to speak. I spoke to a small men’s group. Then to a group of 100 women. Then to a few hundred college students. Then an entire high school. Then I spoke to nearly 20,000 people over the course of one weekend.
A few months of churning out raw weekly blog updates opened up a platform that allowed me to connect with thousands of people not only in Cincinnati but across the country. Emails would flood in. New opportunities would arise. I felt like I was on the brink of something big. What could possibly be next?
Throughout the process though, there was an empty feeling left. While I expected each new and bigger thing to be more gratifying, it was never quite what I was looking for. I couldn’t figure out the problem.
There was a constant sense of disappointment because no matter how many blog hits or seats in the audience of a crowd I spoke to, it was just never enough. I was getting to do some really cool things while meeting some awesome people but at the end of the day it still felt like I needed to be doing more.
In the meantime, I continued to spend time mentoring high school guys. I enjoyed it and felt like I was making a difference, but the numbers and recognition were not the same so I thought success and validation would have to be found elsewhere.
In the book “Go Small,” Craig Gross makes the case that God doesn’t care about our size, status, or success. For me, it has been a message that has brought a sigh of relief. As he says in this video, it’s the little ordinary day-to-day activities that go unnoticed by the world around us that God can make extraordinary without us having to point to a number to justify success.
Jesus spoke to thousands, healed the masses, raised the dead, and accomplished more in three years of public ministry than anyone in the history of the planet. However, I would bet that there was nothing more enjoyable, nothing that made him laugh more, and nothing more fulfilling than seeing his 12 closest friends grow.
Sure, they would frustrate him. Getting in their grill for unbelief and calling Peter “Satan” showed that much. But they knew he loved them. He saw their potential. He never gave up on them.
Looking to Jesus’ example, I have slowly begun to realize the importance of the one-on-one relationships, and how irrelevant the numbers are.
These high school guys are real people with real stories. Their lives are just as important as a newscaster, pastor, or businessman. I have felt so much joy and fulfillment as I have developed relationships with these guys that I will carry on with me for the rest of my life.
I’m realizing that numbers-based success can have me in chains and that God has true purpose for me right where I am. This allows me to move my focus from success to significance.
There’s not going to be a write-up in the newspaper. I’m not going get a huge award. No one’s looking to write me a fat check. But seriously, could I ask for anything more than a dozen teenage boys being attentive as we dive into the Bible together, share our passions and struggles, and then get to witness them beat on each other like cage fighters?
Maybe God has not designed me to get satisfaction out of status, size, or success. It seems to me that he couldn’t care less about those things. Maybe if I don’t go big…I don’t actually have to go home. Maybe bigger isn’t always better. Maybe it’s about something deeper. Maybe going small has been the secret all along.
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