I felt good.
Could this be real? I became suspicious, expectantly waiting for one of the ongoing physical issues that have summed up 2015 for me to manifest once again.
I felt like I could not catch a break earlier this year. Day after day, staring at the ceiling. It seemed as if as soon as the pressure sore healed up and I was able to be upright in my wheelchair once again, an onslaught of other issues barreled into my life, relentlessly beating me down.
While things are still far from perfect with my physical body, I have been feeling exponentially better over the past few weeks than I’ve felt all year. On particularly good days, I keep finding myself in the mindset above. Why am I having trouble believing it is okay to feel good?
The book of James says that every good and perfect gift is from God. Similarly, Jesus said, “If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him?” (Matthew 7:11)
I get so hesitant to believe that God may actually be in the business of pouring out good gifts. Instead of taking God at His word and trusting in His character as a good Father, I continually find myself skeptical and guarded; thinking, “This seems too good to be true.”
I’m experiencing physical healing in my body after a tough year. I’m engaged, with blessing after blessing being poured out on our wedding plans. I’m surrounded by great people. I’m having a blast hanging out with a dozen high school dudes. I’m about to graduate from the University of Cincinnati.
In addition, I cannot lose sight of how far God has brought me over the past six years since this night on the side of the highway:
I’ve been overwhelmed with God’s goodness.
I want to fully believe God has good things in store for me. There will undoubtedly be tough days along the way, but I need to keep my eyes focused on the good. Ultimately, that God is good. And he wants to give good gifts.
So while I sit here still physically compromised, I will continue to be amazed at God’s goodness and hand in my life.
And the best is yet to come.
For more of my thoughts on the photo of me on the stretcher, check out this week’s video below (and other videos by clicking HERE):
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